You won’t truly know “It’s Complicated” until this point in your life — Step aside, young relationshippers. I’m here to tell you that you have no idea what “It’s complicated” even means. When you hit mid-life you’ll find out how complicated it can really get the day it shows up on an airplane after thirty years, professing it’s undying feelings for you. I…

I’d take decent human qualities over kitchen prowess any day — An old high school friend of mine recently flew into town for the weekend. He contacted me the morning he arrived and asked if I’d be free to reconnect at some point while he was here. When we were seventeen he wasn’t just a friend, we dated for a short…

It’s because you’re watching from the comfort of home — Evenings are my guilty pleasure. I get to shut off my computer, stop putzing around the house, and let the binge-watching commence. Lately, I’ve been engrossed in two separate shows — The Last of Us and 1883. They’re widely different from each other, set in two contrary eras. …

I’m pretty sure dogs just want to be dogs, not Instagram props — First of all, I get it at Halloween time. It’s fun and usually hilarious to drop a sheet over your dog with some eye holes cut out. Or to put them in a dinosaur or Elvis costume. I also get it if you want your dog to sport a Santa…

Hint: It’s just as turdy as a chocolate nugget with crushed peanuts in it — Valentine’s Day just passed and you gave someone a box of chocolates, didn’t you? Admit it. You have the gift-giving creativity and thoughtfulness of a stump. I hate to be a party crasher but unless you included a jar of peanut butter and a spoon with the chocolate, your gifting…

It repels harder than stinky bug spray — Nothing grates on my nerves more than seeing a headline with the word “should” in it. Everything it implies is bossy and presumptuous, as if we don’t know what the shoulds of life are. People throw around the word should like we’re all just wandering, lost souls who don’t know…

And your resting bitch face catches you off guard — Sometimes I look in the mirror and really study the lines in my skin. Some are normal signs of life, some are complete nonsense. For example, the ridges on my forehead that are there even when I don’t raise my eyebrows. People raise their eyebrows when they’re shocked or surprised. …

Why most of us will never be mothers and fathers of invention — I’ll be the first to admit that I’m completely comfortable with letting genius ideas fall by the wayside while real inventors are out there changing the world. I have come up with a hundred and one inventions in my lifetime and yet, here I am…blogging. It’s because I’ve never had…

And you won’t find answers in the mirror — To some degree, we all have issues with aging. It sort of feels like our lifelong partner, the bathroom mirror, suddenly switches to a distorted fun house mirror, almost overnight. Obviously, we don’t see a twenty-five year old staring back at us when we’re fifty. I’m not sure if there’s…